Can a leopard change its spots? Coaching the bullies!
As I was reading this article at http://www.trainingzone.co.uk/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=181593, I thought of the extraordinary work that many of you are doing with ‘children’, teens and young adults. There is much research, many tomes written about relational aggression, bullying, the misdirected/misguided use of language and physical aggression. We all know that these unsavory behaviors can, and do, start early and continue into personal, professional/work and social ‘adult’ relationships – or the lack of them.
During this week I have re-discovered and deeply reflected on the importance of clearly, directly addressing inappropriate behavior and verbal aggression, even that which is passive-aggressive. And I speculate – no assert – that there are so many layers of complexity and belief systems with some very hostile adults that ‘changing spots’ may take years!
These behaviors are readily learned early in life, embedded in the neurological pathways, in the cellular matrix and memory! Many of these people have children who learn their parents’ unique form(s) of bullying and the cycles are repeated. Fortunately, some of these people have only pets and treat them better than either children or other adults in their lives.
What a marvelous opportunity there is with coaching to start with children of all ages — to be in differently designed relationships, fully and openly listen, to observe the rich dynamics of self-discovery, compassionately speak emerging truths and discover fresh, uncomplicated, non-toxic wisdom. I deeply admire you, my coaching colleagues and others who work with youth – you who respect all children, teens, and young adults. Your inspired work keeps me hopeful and on a similar path. Rock on!
Popularity: 40% [?]
Comment by Lable on 20 April 2008:
Hi Elizabeth,
What an absolutely fantastic insight, and one that I resonate with enormously. Early intervention in bullying would not only have long-term benefits on the personal development of the bully, but also tremendously helpful long-term preventive benefits for the personal development of those children being bullied. I have, unfortunately, had many ocassions to see the scars that are left from having been bullied. Every bully we prevent will have an impact of, perhaps, dozens of children who will be spared having been bullied by that individual.
In the business world, we have the concept of early defect detection and correction. In any development process, defects found at any stage require a six to ten-fold effort to correct than if they had been detected in the previous stage. Many of our processes in business are several stages long. You can do the math of how much more effort and resources it requires to catch a defect at the end of a process than at the beginning.
And you are so right - Coaching is a perfect tool to be used for the purpose of early developmental guidance for children. There is probably no more profound way that Coaching can contribute to the evolution of human consciousness. How can we make this happen?
Thanks.
Lable
Comment by Evaine on 15 May 2008:
Good post. You make some great points that most people do not fully understand.
“As I was reading this article at http://www.trainingzone.co.uk/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=181593, I thought of the extraordinary work that many of you are doing with ‘children’, teens and young adults. There is much research, many tomes written about relational aggression, bullying, the misdirected/misguided use of language and physical aggression. We all know that these unsavory behaviors can, and do, start early and continue into personal, professional/work and social ‘adult’ relationships – or the lack of them. ”
I like how you explained that. Very helpful. Thanks.