About the Author
Donna Karlin CEC, founder of A Better Perspective™ has pioneered the specialized practice of Shadow Coaching™ with global political and senior organizational leaders in the public and private sectors.
Donna uses an adaptable and comprehensive approach in working with her clients that enables her to understand individuals and their worlds sufficiently to design coaching that shifts their developmental level. Donna is an author, speaker and lectures internationally. In response to widely expressed interest to her highly successful and innovative approach to coaching, she established the School of Shadow Coaching™ to enable others to learn the practice.
Donna’s work has been written up in Fast Company Magazine, The National Post, The Globe and Mail, The New York Times, The Boston Globe, Personal Success Magazine, as well as in numerous online articles including BusinessListening.com, The Training Report, and SelfGrowth.com. She recently co-authored the best selling book ‘101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life’ with Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy and Jim Rohn. Donna writes a weekly column for Fast Company called “Jumping Into the Deep End of Leadership” and is an Executive and Political Leadership Expert for SelfGrowth.com. Her blog Perspectives™ is subscribed to by readers from 127 countries and territories.
She has a proven track record in developing sustainable leadership.
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May 11th, 2008 •
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“People predict that they will behave more ethically than they actually do.”
I recently read a fascinating article in the World Business Life online magazine called “How Good Do You Think You Are?” which fascinated me. How often do we take client ethics into consideration when we coach them? Is it something that is in the forefront of our minds as we listen to where they are, to their challenges, to roadblocks and stressors in their worlds?
Do we challenge them in a non-judgmental way about how they process what they do and how and, perhaps, help them see their way might not be the only way or best way? Does it come to mind as we coach them through an inter-personal relationship, especially in the workplace when they might deceive themselves as to the right or wrong of their actions? Or do many coaches take what the clients say at face value and coach them on their articulation of the situation?
I found this article fascinating as it highlighted an area of focus I should always pay attention to. How can we ask our clients about their ethical foundation without sounding judgmental? If you witnessed a client doing something where their ethics might be in question, how would you approach it, if at all?
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Comment by Arvind on 22 May 2008:
Donna
John Maxwell has said in simple words - treat people NOT as they ARE, but as the CAN BE’
I feel it equally applies to oneself as well! Do we treat our self as we are; or as we can be!
Arvind
Comment by Justin Buffer on 20 May 2008:
Donna:
Yes, I agree with you. To me, that is one of the most fascinating aspects of psychology, and one that offers one of the greatest opportunities for growth in the school of life. It is so interesting how we all can have our own meanings for words and phrases, and how two people can use the same words and phrases and mean completely different things. That is why communication in all relationships, coaching, romantic, familial, etc., is so vital and asking questions and for clarification is so key to understanding.
I remember one occasion when I was speaking with a younger friend of mine (I think he is 24 or 25). He was complaining to me that girls didn’t seem to like him because he was a “nice guy.” And that the girls that rejected him seemed to go for “jerks” instead. “Justin, Why don’t these girls like nice guys like me?”, he asked me. I explained to him that it is very unlikely that these women were going home to their parents and friends, saying with pride: “I met a jerk.” Most likely they were saying that they met a “nice guy.” Despite the myriad of possibilities and issues that could surround his issue and problem, which we discussed, including the fact that these women were younger and may have misunderstood him, I also pointed out to him that what he was calling “nice” in himself could be seen by these women as something else, possibly “needy”, “unconfident”, “not my type”, etc. In other words, their definition, interpretation, and referent of a “nice guy”, for whatever reason (possibly their uprbringing or social conditioning), was different from his.
We all use words that are our own and usually have a specific symbol associated with them. It is very true that it is so important that as coaches we are introspective and working on our own assumptive and communicative blind spots, so that we can function most effectively.
Best wishes,
Justin Buffer